Why Is It So Hard To Put In The Effort?

Success isn't always about talent, luck, or having the perfect plan—more often, it's about showing up and putting in the effort, day after day. In this episode, we explore why consistent effort matters in every area of life, from our careers and relationships to our health, personal growth, and everyday responsibilities.

We'll discuss how small, intentional actions create lasting change, why persistence often outperforms natural ability, and how embracing the process can help you overcome setbacks and build resilience. Whether you're chasing a big goal or simply trying to become a better version of yourself, this conversation will remind you that effort is one of the few things always within your control.

Join us as we unpack the mindset and habits that turn ordinary moments into extraordinary progress—because every meaningful achievement begins with the decision to keep showing up.

Download this and future episodes of our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Pocketcasts, and anywhere else to find your favorite shows. You can search Why Are We Like This? and please be sure to subscribe, and/or write a review if possible to help build our show.  Have an idea for a future episode, or want to join us for a conversation? Send us a message with the link above!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And we're back. Hi. Hi. How are you? Oh, I am great. Today's a lovely Tuesday. I'm feeling good.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I love to hear that. Yeah. What are you doing? I'm doing wonderful. I'm near giddy to record another episode with you. Yeah. Doing it. Doing it. And doing it well. Uh today, what are we talking about? Uh, I believe today we are talking about effort. Oh. The word of the day is effort. Effort. Okay. Yeah. What is it about effort that seems so difficult these days? And how does effort apply to us in our lives?

SPEAKER_01 0:58

What do you mean by effort? Whoa, that got really loud. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Whoa.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

What do you mean by effort?

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Effort, effort.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

What is effort? Like our everyday, how we apply ourselves and how we view other people applying themselves together.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

How much, yeah, how much energy are we going to put into today? Like if effort is a bank account, how much of a deposit are we going to put in versus how much of a withdrawal we expect to be able to make from today and this week and this month, this year, this life?

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I think that's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Effort is, I think, I think effort plays a big part in feeling good about oneself, feeling grounded in the amount of energy that you put into yourself when you put yourself out into the world.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

It's definitely something that I have grown to understand more about myself over the last well, even in the last six months, I think. Um, but that's been a cue from you, honestly. Like as I and as I've seen you carry yourself differently, it's kind of inspired me to be like, oh, I could also put in some effort to uh take care of my body and how I look and how I dress and how I carry myself. And I feel like it goes beyond how I think others are gonna see me. Yes. Because that could be a bit of a trap, right? Yes. We we we worry too much about what people are gonna think about us. But instead, I feel like by doing things for ourselves, we in turn carry that confidence. Yeah, that's a sign of that effort that we put into those things.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

And I think that the world responds differently. And I also find it very interesting how those of us who put effort into how we look or how we carry ourselves can actually be threatening to those who don't put effort into themselves.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Oh, yeah, you were talking about that, like beauty tax.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Uh beauty penalty.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. The beauty penalty.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I've been a victim of that my whole life. Well, I mean, it's a podcast, but if only people could see. Of course. Um, well, no, I there there is a thing that's actually called the beauty penalty. Uh, it does apply mostly to women in the professional and corporate world. And women who are attractive often are taken less seriously in the job that they do. And that people in general who are considered attractive by the general population generally have a negative stigma projected onto them from the general population. Oh, that person's attractive, their life must be so easy, they're privileged, they're wealthy. And it really isn't any of that. It's just putting the effort in to work with what you've got.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

And it's not, it's not, it's not, I don't think at its core it's vanity, but I think vanity is a component of that. But if we take away the negative connotation that the word vanity has, um, you know, it's people will say, Oh, you treat your body like a temple. And and that's both inside and outside. Like if you have a car, you don't let the outside go to shit while you maintain the inside impeccably. You take care of it inside and out. And, you know, for me, working in the beauty industry, I think it's really important that I set an example, not for my clients, but to my clients, that when they come to see me to get their hair done, they know what to expect when they see me, the way that I present myself. And I, you know, I don't go overboard because my client is the one that takes center stage. But I have to be the example of why I'm trying to encourage my clients to put effort into the way that they look because it helps them feel better about themselves. And then I'm an example of that.

SPEAKER_01 5:15

I think it also provides a sense of calm, comfort, trust in those situations because in your in your salon specifically, it's you and the client. Yes, it's your own space. So you have curated the space, you spent the time, the effort, the energy, the money, but like you have you have exerted that effort to build a beautiful space where someone feels comfortable in. You've taken the effort to create a playlist that you know isn't top 20, isn't latest country hits, isn't anything but uh music that not only do you enjoy, but you know your clients are going to enjoy. And that creates that environment that again is calm and relaxing and trust trustworthy. And then it's you. And they see you walk in and uh your hair, your uh your uniform, like your even down to your nails, like they see that and they see that you've put effort into the beauty of things, so they I think they realize either whether it's subconscious or not, oh, this person cares about their beauty, that's going to like transcend into how they take care of me.

SPEAKER_00 6:28

Well, you know, seeing is believing, trying is buying. How can I expect my clients to make the investment in themselves if I, as the person that's delivering on that investment, isn't doing that for myself? One of the biggest icks in my industry that I have are hairdressers who show up not looking like they're there to go to work, but looking like they're there to go work out, showing up in sweats, ug boots, their hair in a sloppy, messy bun on top of their head with their hair greasy, no makeup on, um, guys wearing baseball caps to the salon. Like this isn't, first of all, the the this is not the time and place to make a statement about oneself in a way that de deters or distracts from the client experience. Yeah. And the only thing that I really do to kind of pizzazz myself up, as you mentioned in the in the uniform, is I wear blazes. You know, I don't work in a corporate world. I don't have to wear a suit and a tie. But I think just wearing a blazer on top of a button-up shirt with uh I wear kind of slack shorts because I don't really like to wear pants. I don't like things that touch my legs. We don't have to get into that. But I and I have good legs too. And if women can wear skirts, then men can wear shirts or shorts. I'm not wearing cutoff denim shorts. I'm I'm wearing what would be slacks, except they're they're cut above the knee. And then I wear a nice button-up shirt and I wear a blazer over that. And maybe they're kind of statement blazers, but you know, I pretty much stick with the black, white, gray theme. And um it just makes me feel good. It makes me feel professional, and I want to garner that respect and perception from my clients. So I have to put the effort into that. You do, it's clear. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yeah, I think what's cool about your blazers too is that um while they're they're not understated, but they're also not islandish, you're not wearing like full sequin we do have those for special occasions. That's evening. But I think what it also does that's that's uh really cool is it it's an expression of your creativity as well. So you're wearing a uh a blazer that looks like it's covered in spray paint, but it's done in a tasteful pattern, like textile way. Intentional. Yeah, it's very cool. Um so much so that I followed suit because at work I was wearing t-shirts and oversized jeans and feeling frumpy and looking frumpy, but really not having uh the energy or the time or wanting to put the effort into doing anything differently uh until I started seeing you do it. And I was like, wow, not only does he look good, but he looks like he feels good in it. I do. And so I was like, I'm gonna try a blazer one day, and I did, and it was like nothing but compliments and wow, you look nice, while you look smart positive, reinforcement. Yeah, I mean there were there was some of it that was um face value, whatever. Sure. But with a lot of a lot of it, yeah, it just it came with uh feeling good, and I just felt confident, and it wasn't about me walking down the hall in a blazer and like look at him, he's in a nice jacket and he's wearing shorts. Wow, how shocking for corporate. Uh for me, it it was also a comfort thing. I really don't like wearing pants if I can help it, um, because I tend to I'm I'm I'm heat, like I'm hot all the time. Like you Guatemalanus. Yeah. Uh so like shorts are a way for me to to cool. Yep. Um, but also uh I I don't like wearing them all the time every day. It's just it's boring. And this is a cool way to like dress it up. Like I can still wear shorts, but because they're slack shorts and I'm wearing a blazer, it's giving like private school real good. It's a look. Yeah, I really like it. It's a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

I agree. And it also tells the people that you work with that you want to be there. You wake up with the intention of wanting to do the job that you've been hired to do, and you you show up dressing for the job that you have and the job that you want.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

And I think it makes a huge impact. And it's not just at work, it's you know, being at the market or the drugstore or the car wash. It's something that people take notice of because there is so little effort put into the way that we present ourselves to the rest of the world. There's just sort of this like it's beyond casualness. There's a frumpiness that's become acceptable, a slobbyness that I think is just it does a disservice to who we are as a people. And and I see the posts on Instagram, you know, men used to look like this, and they show pictures of men like Cary Grant in suits, and their hair is done, and then they cut to you know, contemporary pictures of men, and they just look like slobs and schlocks. And it's it's not it's not great. And it again, it's not about, oh, I'm doing this because people are gonna think this of me. People are gonna think what they want to think of you regardless. It's about what do I do to go out into this world feeling my best? Because when I feel my best, I put out my best, and that energy comes back to me threefold. Yeah. It's telling the universe I am ready for my next opportunity. I am here, I am prepared, I am present, I accept today's challenges with grace, style, and effort.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Yeah, I agree with that. It's funny you mention that um like men of yesterday versus men of today, because there is a lot of that. And then we see someone like Mr. Cavill showing up at the races wearing that gorgeous watching Scott or Ascott Races. He's amazing. He was wearing a watch. I I keep hearing it.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

I still have yet to see it. You haven't seen the video?

SPEAKER_01 12:35

No, I've seen the video, but I haven't seen the watch because I keep getting distracted.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

My god, that that okay, you know about confidence. I mean, the man is just a template of perfection, of XY chromosome perfection. He's really quite a stunning specimen. And uh I'm I mean, I'm kind of surprised that we got the video that we got of him because he is such a modest and humble person. Uh it's not like John Hamm, whose Viagra didn't wear off after four hours, so he decided to go for a paparazzi shot, free balling it. Like it's just I don't know. There's something about it that's like, thank you, thank you. I I don't even need to see the whole thing in real life. Like, did that just connects the dots well enough for me and also maintains a certain air of mystery at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

It's just both the art director and the stylist knew what they were doing for that shoot before that event. And yeah, I'm eternally grateful for that. Uh, aren't we? Um, on the flip side of things, when you were mentioning Is this a Henry Cavill podcast now?

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Uh no, but I am totally okay doing a Henry Cavill episode.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

It would just be us swooning and and hemming and hawing the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

Well, I think the majority of the general population can relate to that.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Uh you were what was I talking about?

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Meanwhile, back at the Briar Patch. Seriously.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

You were talking about um how some of the hairstylists wear like frumpiness, frumpiness and sweatpants, and it reminded me of um not sweatpants, but tights like Lululemon tights, like up in your ass tights. Yeah. And that makes me really sad because that's not frumpy, technically, because it's not like oversized and overdone, but it it for many of the people who choose to wear them, hugs the body in such an unfortunate way. And I'm all about body positivity, but and I'm not I'm not Adonis here talking about this, but I when I see it and it's just like it's I can see all of the things in there, yeah, and not in a wonderful Henry Cavill way. It's in a very like uh family life seventh grade anatomy way, and I don't love it, and um that doesn't have a place in the workplace, any workplace, I think, unless you're at a gym, and even then maybe unless you're like aerobics instructor. So it's it's interesting, like that that frumpiness level is something that I've tried to work through too. Like my there's my work uniform, and then there's my home uniform. And that has over the last year or so been these like oversized, very comfortable shirt, short combos or sets or whatever, and then realizing no, these are really gross, like these are so unattractive, they're not flattering. No, yeah, and then um I found this new brand that I just love that I like I can see my legs and there's shape to it and Fabletics, right? Uh yeah, yeah, sponsored by Fabletics. Um and I really love them. And it's it was funny because it's one of those Instagram things that I've just ignored and swiped through and I finally just gave in and and I really love them. So even that was an effort moment where realizing, well, I'm comfortable in these clothes and I don't have to look at myself. Granted, it doesn't matter what everyone looks at or thinks of me, but if I could feel better about myself, even when I want to be just comfortable in my own skin in my comfortable home space, why not?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Life is a journey meant to be celebrated, so why not dress for it?

SPEAKER_01 16:18

Live, laugh, love.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Oh my god, don't. I can't. Don't start with the primitives. That is that is not effort. No, it's not. That is uh uh if I walk into a house and I see a live, laugh, love sign, I'm walking right back out. Yeah. Because there's no creativity behind it, there's no personality behind. And that's that's the thing with what we're talking about with effort, right? It's it it's communicating your personality, it's communicating your mindset, it's communicating your tone and intention with the world. And yeah, just this, I think that you know, the frumpiness is almost sort of an unnecessary acceptance. Um, you know, I was having a conversation with you about a client of mine, and you know, we did when she came to see me, we did a radical makeover on her and took her from box dye to professionally colored hair. And um, she looks absolutely beautiful, but for a long time I felt like I wasn't making her happy. And you said to me, maybe it's just a case where she has never been given permission to think of herself as beautiful. And that really resonated with me because, you know, people will say to me, Oh, you make me look so beautiful. And one of my mentors said, My clients are all beautiful. My job is just to make it obvious to the rest of the world. And I like that. I I do too. I really do like that. And and I took what you said to heart. And so I'm not gonna go and and have an uncomfortable come to Jesus moment with my client, be like, Look, you're pretty and you need to accept that, right? You're not her gay bestie. Right. But it it translates in my work, it translates in how I communicate why I'm doing what I'm doing to her hair and what the benefits are of that. And and now she has no problem saying how beautiful she thinks her hair looks and how great she looks. And she's gonna have her husband take her out to dinner after she gets her hair done. And that makes me feel really good about the effort I put into my business and how I care for my clients.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Yeah, it's really cool.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

It's impactful. And that impactfulness can come from us and how we present ourselves to the world and telling people that we care. It's it's the same thing as like putting effort into not being late. You know, there are some people who are perpetually late and they say, Oh, that's just me. I'm late. But when you are always late, you're telling the other person you don't care. Right. And what can you expect to get back from that exchange or communication or relationship when you're sending the person a clear message that you don't care?

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Especially in a situation where you're wanting or asking something of someone. Like it reminds me of uh an early uh not job interview, but someone was going to help me with my my own website, my own like resume, and I completely forgot about it. And uh they had driven from Palm Springs to uh I think it was to Fontana, but they'd driven all that way and they're like, Oh, I'm here. Where do you where did you want to meet? I just arrived. And I was like, Oh, I completely forgot. That's awful. And I had to tell them, like, I forgot, and I'm really sorry about that. And he said, That's fine. I have things that I can do around here, yeah. But like, you're out of work right now. Think about if this were a job interview or if this were uh a moment where you got to talk to a potential mentor or someone who could give you a job or or connect you with someone, you'd be out the door. Yeah. Because like what what you just said, being late or not making the effort to be present in that way shows that you just don't care. Um and it's uh it's a selfishness too behind it. And sometimes it happens, but yes, but people know when it happens often enough. Yeah, and it just says that message to the point where you're like, well, we may as well just schedule it 15 minutes before we intend to, because they're gonna be 15 minutes late anyway.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Right. Um I like to be impactful. I think it sends a very good message, it sets tone and intention. When I meet people, I look them directly in the eye, I shake their hand, I say their name back to them. Very nice to meet you. And, you know, sometimes life does happen. I I like to be early. I would rather be 20 minutes early and sit in my car for 10 or 15 minutes and then walk into my appointment, dinner, meeting, whatever, than be sending a text message saying, So sorry, I'm running 10 minutes late. Yeah, I agree. But because also too, it gives me a sense of control in a situation, especially if it's a new meeting or something I might be nervous about. Um, it gives me a chance to kind of center and hone my energy so that I can be my best and most productive self in that situation. That's a good one, especially for me. And that's like for me being at work. Like I used to be that hairdresser that showed up, you know, if I started at 10, I showed up right at 10 o'clock on the dot, right? Now, and this may just be pride of ownership in my own business, but I like to be 15, 20 minutes there before my client shows up, first client of the day, because I want the thermostat set right. I want the temperature to be comfortable, I want the music going. I want my energy immersed in that space so that when the client comes in, they know that I'm ready, eager, and willing to serve them. You set the tone for yourself, which in turn sets the tone for your customers. Yes. And then there are times where life does happen. And, you know, we were we had an appointment this past weekend and we were running 10 minutes late. And I sent a text message to let them know we were running 10 minutes late. And when we got there and we were introduced to the person, I shook her hand and I said, Said, it's very nice to meet you. I really apologize for being tardy. Please let me know what I can do to make that time up to you. Because even though it was something that was beyond my control, I can still take accountability for my participation in the events that happened and to let her know that listen, I understand that time is important for everybody. I've taken 10 minutes of your time unnecessarily. I'm willing to give that back to you in any way that I can. And we ended up having a really productive meeting with this person. That was great. And it was honestly, it was just sort of water under the bridge, if you will. But I believe that her reception of me acknowledging that, not taking it for granted that she was there to serve us. So it's our time anyway. Right. That speaks volumes. And I think people, you know, successful people just know how to navigate the politics of human nature. And that is once again where effort comes in. People, I think, have just kind of given up. So when you even put just a modest amount of effort into something, it looks like this grand gesture. Yeah. And it's not, it's me wearing a blazer to work so that I look intentional and complete.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

You know what I mean? I do. It's not some secret hack. You don't have to wake up at 5 a.m. every morning and drink 12 grams of protein before you start your coffee. It's like it's none of that YouTube stuff. It really is just putting in the effort and realizing how important interactions are when you put time and effort and energy into it. It's a mindfulness, it's a totalness. Yes. It's it's a level of cognition that I think a lot of people take for granted, myself included. Um that has become a really like wonderful part of my daily practice when I when I'm intentional with it.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

And it's like it's like sleep hygiene. Oh, yeah. Wake hygiene. Get up, take a shower, put some music on, get yourself in the mood, you know. If you're feeling off, just smile. Smile if you've got nothing to smile about. And your body responds to you smiling. And so it changes the tone. It's, you know, people think they have to wait for the motivation, and then once the motivation comes, they can put the action or effort into it. But it's the opposite. You start the ball rolling and then momentum picks up. You make the effort, you create the action, and then the motivation comes.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

That's that's what I do almost every morning. I I wish that I would like get up and go and work out. I'm not quite there yet. But um, the dogs wake up at seven every morning now, which I don't love. I I'm I'm not a morning person, I like to sleep in. But I'm in the practice now where I wake up and I take them for their walk and I feed them, and then while they're eating, I sit on the couch and I watch YouTube clips of people just being kind to each other.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

That's nice.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Like uh card shows, like Pokemon card shows, and the vendors are giving cards away to little kids, and then little kids come up and like, I want you to give this to the next kid you see, or uh just really nice moments like that where it's just like it reignites the feeling of humanity in my body. And I'm like, I'm ready to go because the world is a wonderful place, and I have no reason to think otherwise. Yep. Um, so I I totally agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Yeah, it's it's mindset, it's you know, not what is going to happen to me today, but what is gonna happen for me today. I have to be prepared for that. You know, luck is said uh, or it is said that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. And a lot of times I hear people complain about their life. This happened to me, that happened to me. I, you know, it's like that chariot Terry character with all the pills. I gotta take this on account of that, and I gotta take that on account of that, right? And it's like everything happens to these people that keeps them down.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:14

There have been some really horrible things that have happened to me in my life, and only until recently have I actually looked at those things as happening for me because they've been learning experiences. They have helped to grow my mindfulness, to shape my self-awareness, to motivate me to want to put effort into living each day, getting the most out of it. Because as I approach 50, everything everybody said when I was younger is now coming true. Life is so fast and it catches up to you. And you really have to take time to stop and smell the roses. But here's the thing: the roses are only going to be as sweet as the soil that you till, as the fertilizer that you give them, the water that you feed them. So again, you get back what you put into something. And I choose to be responsible and accountable for all the things that happen for me in this life. I am not a victim of circumstance. I am somebody that will take what this life gives me and figure out a way to make it work for me. Because here's what, guys, it is not the world's responsibility to take care of us. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves. We are the only ones, truly, at the end of the day, that are in charge of our own happiness. So you can either choose to grab life by the balls, say yes to life and be happy, or you can choose to allow yourself to be the victim of life in which you will spend however long you're in that state of mind in that perpetual hamster wheel trying to figure out how to get off. Well, how you get off is by putting your foot on the other side of that hamster wheel on solid ground and taking one step at a time in a direction you choose.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

That's nice. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

You could be like Tony Robbins.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

Well, I maybe I could, but I think that you know the saying charity starts in the home, yeah, I could go out and I could do all of this, or I could just simply be the example myself, right? I I don't think anything speaks louder than that. And, you know, at a certain point in time, all these motivational speakers, even if their tone or intention started out as true, they they turn into snake oil salesmen, right? They they make deals and they you know they they just kind of sell people on things versus, you know, if you just be the example, if you give somebody the example to look up to, they'll find a way to follow your lead. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

I I mean it in the sense that your um your tone, your your reasoning, your explanation uh is resonating.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

I appreciate that. And I do recognize that. Um and I think that there's also, you know, I'm a human being too. And there's a little bit of me that, you know, you I hear that and I just think, okay, you know, keep that the keep that in check. You know, we can we can get big heads very easily. Yeah. Um and you well, we had an experience early today at CVS, and we went to go pick up a couple things at CVS, and I'm standing at the self-checkout, and the one of the employees comes up to me and says, He really likes my jacket. He's like, You you look like a rock star. You're somebody, right? You, you, you perform, you do something on stage, and I'm like, No, I don't. And it's so funny because afterwards you were like, the guy was convinced that you were lying to him about being some sort of celebrity simply because of the way that you looked.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

He knew that fill in the blank so-and-so had shown up to his Lederaban CBS and was like, you guys, he was here.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

I don't know who he was, but he was here.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

Like I helped him at the register. I was I saw him.

SPEAKER_00 30:09

And it's and you know, and then it's an incredibly flattering thing to think about. It was cute. It was right to have to know that you have that kind of power and that you have that kind of impact, and to to be mindful enough to want to practice and wield it in a way that is positive and not self-serving. I think it it's wonderful. It fills me with joy. And and that's where I find the motivation and the effort that that I put into who I want to be each and every day.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

It's also just a great blazer.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

It's one of it's it's one of the cooler blazers that I have.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

He was doing it. There was a woman, I think, in line who's like, Oh, I love your blazer. And then there was like this little three-year-old kid or five or whatever, was following us and couldn't stop staring at you in the blazer.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

So this wasn't a matter of trying to run away as fast as this. You say to like you'll say to me after the fact, like, we'll make a Costco run, and you're like on the way to the car with our Costco goods, and you're like, people were just stopping and turning and staring at you. I see it all the time. And it is it's incredibly flattering to my ego to think about it, but I think it's also just it's a presence, right? I'm not, I don't go out trying to do that. Carry yourself well. I just want to be, again, I would like to be the example that I would like to see in others. You know, I think that my generation, Gen X, we were kind of, you know, we we brought the whole grunge emo thing to the stage. And it was for me a horrible time. I I mean I did I did participate in it. I had the blue black hair and the black eyeliner with the Doc Martens, and I listened to Pearl Jam and Faith No More and Nirvana. And I was into it for a while. But, you know, I also scared a lot of people and intimidated people. And one of my favorite movies is Gia with Angelina Jolie. And, you know, she had a very punk look. And she said, the trick is to scare other people so that they don't see how scared you are. And I believe in the mind-body connection, and I don't want to live my life as a scared person. So I'm not going to put myself out into the world as a scary person. If I might come across as intimidating, that is not my intention. And, you know, to reference what I said earlier, it's interesting how people who put effort into themselves come across as intimidating or threatening to those who don't. But this is the great thing about effort. Everyone has access to it.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Yeah, and and to that point, I was thinking, what are some of other than what we've talked about, what are some other like easy things that could be like a check off that box for like I'm gonna do one effortful thing today? Like for me, um it's been taking care of my nails. Like I feel like it's easier for women because getting your nails done is a very much a thing, right? Like if you can do it, you do it. It's it's a day thing. But for men, it's very easy to just not. Like you either cut them or you bite them, and then they are what they are. But I've really enjoyed like buffing them and making them look really nice, where I've had people say, Oh wow, I love like the subtle polish you put on your nails. And I said, No, they're just buffed. Like I haven't put anything on them. Yep. Um, and I don't notice them or think about them, but it's nice knowing that people are looking at them and thinking, like, oh, he has really clean nails, he takes care of his hands. Yeah. So that's one thing that I'm like, that's cool. I can do that like maybe once every two weeks or something when I'm when I'm normally gonna just cut my nails and call it a day.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Someone told me when I was 19 that uh manicured hands are the sign of a true gentleman.

SPEAKER_01 34:00

Oh, that's nice.

SPEAKER_00 34:01

Yeah. I mean, I just basically spent my whole life collecting these little thoughts from other people and then your rollodecks of smarts. Yeah, right. And and you know, using them to kind of shape and mold the person that I want to be, to find my authentic self and to honor this body that I've been given to traverse this life in. You know, going back to um, I think it was the first episode of the season we talked about um wanting to be present, right? And wanting to honor each day. And and I think that's part of the tone of this episode too. It's it's cherishing oneself and thinking highly enough of oneself to know that you matter. And if you matter to yourself, you matter to other people. And if you matter to other people, let them know.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Let them know because in doing so, you're telling them that they matter to you. And and we are an interdependent species. We are not meant to be independent, and it's not healthy to be dependent or codependent, but interdependence is is a mutual um acceptance and reliance on each other. I'm gonna be really good at doing certain things around the house that you might not be so great at, and you're gonna be really good at doing certain things around the house that I might not be so great at. And when we combine those, well, then we have a space that just creates pure joy for us.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Wonder twins unite.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

Wonder twins mining morph and power. So I think that it's you know, we've kind of lost the art of communicating that to each other as humans that cohabitate on this planet. And especially in our country and and during this time, you know, things are so volatile and and divisive, and there's so much being thrown at us to divide us and to ignite those fires of conflict that um I don't want to be a part of that. I I kind of long for the time that I witnessed as a child growing up where adults got dressed up to get on a plane. They went and they had dinner and they were polite to each other, and you could have a difference of opinion and still get along with somebody. Things weren't so contentious. And um, I make an effort to make a conscious decision every day to not be that um aggressive, defensive person that I see so many people choosing to be, and that I myself at one point in time was. It's not it's not a recipe for happiness. No. Um but what is a recipe for happiness is being mindful, being self-aware. And you said earlier, you know, you you kind of have your routine, and it's interesting to me, effort, it's exponential, right? You start the ball rolling, you you you have a small snowball and you throw it down the hill and it collects more snow and it builds on its own. And for me, effort, it's almost like uh a business that is a well-oiled machine that runs itself. After a certain point in time, when you become comfortable and familiar with the idea of effort, effort really does become effortless. You build on the routine, you build on the habit, and it just becomes second nature to be polite, to take care of yourself, to let the world know that you care in many different ways.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

And uh, I know that when I encounter people that are on the same page, it's a breath of fresh air. It's it's refreshing and it's invigorating and exhilarating, and it makes me feel good and it reinstills my faith in humanity. Right. So why not choose to be a part of that? Yeah. But it does take effort and it's not always easy. And you and I have discussed moments in our lives where we've dealt with depression and anxiety, and it's also okay to sometimes say, you know what, I need to clock out today. You know, I I my batteries are on reserve.

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Yeah, use that effort for something else in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

A hundred percent. Yeah, that's okay too. It's not about being on, that is something completely different. Yeah, it's about using what resources you have to be your most authentic self.

SPEAKER_02 38:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

And there is something that just brings me joy and makes me feel good when I know that I'm not just looking good, but I'm putting the effort into myself. I'm telling the world that I know I am someone that matters. And if I matter, you matter too. And I'm going to show you that you matter and the effort I put into our communication. And 80% of communication is nonverbal. So I think people also forget that without even knowing how you are picking up on somebody else's body language. Your brain is interpreting body language. Your brain is interpreting the effort that you perceive or the lack of effort that you perceive someone else is putting into an exchange or an interaction with you. And everything we do in this world comes down to an exchange. It could be tangible or intangible. And at its core, it's an exchange of energy. Right. So, you know, in and kind of in line with leave it like you found it, how about leave it better than you found it? I would like to know that the exchanges and interactions I have with people leave them in a better place they were than before that interaction. And we had a previous episode where I had talked about a road rage incident that I was involved in. And that was a real eye-opening experience for me. I thought, you know what, who knows what this guy is going through? Maybe he's getting a divorce. Maybe this is the last weekend he has with this kid. Like it doesn't matter. But what does matter is how I can react to the situation, how I can diffuse the situation. And at the end of the day, it makes me feel better too. So why not take that time to invest in my own joy and happiness rather than going out into the world with all of this contempt? Yeah. Now I will say the one area that I still have to work on is behind the wheel. That's fine. It is what it is. Because well, and again, people, you know, it's effort. You know, don't be mindless behind the wheel. You know, pay attention. Don't just don't, you know, don't be a jerk. You know, we're driving around in death traps and people have a place to go. And, you know, speaking of effort and being on time, I also find that if I give myself an extra 10 minutes to get somewhere, I'm not in a rush. You need to cut in front of me. You go right ahead. It's only when I know I've cut my timing short that I get really short behind the wheel.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

I'm sure that's most people's experience.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

I I think it is too. And, you know, again, it's empathy is important. Be the example that you would like to see in others. It might seem hard, but everything seems hard until you get used to it. It's like going to the gym and working out on a new machine or doing a new exercise. It's awkward and it's uncomfortable and it's difficult until you get it. And then once you get it, you're like, no big deal.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Yeah. For me, that was that was an important realization when it comes to anything that could be like we talk about habit forming and how people put together like bullet journals and ha and marking your habits down. And I've tried that too, just to like keep track on like what I'm doing. It's that's not so important. I'm sure it helps some people, but what was a good realization for me is that it doesn't all have to happen at once in order for it to be successful. So I don't have to make the decision like, well, I don't have enough effort to completely change my wardrobe from top to bottom. I don't have enough effort to uh do my nails and tan and get a haircut and trim my beard all at the same time. Yeah, no one does because we're all tired, we're all exhausted, we have external forces pushing us down all the time. Um but the realization that those smaller efforts continue to add up, like that snowball that you were talking about, even yesterday, like deciding that I wanted to go work out. I'm still relatively new at it. I don't understand uh the counts and the efforts and all that stuff, but I know that I'm doing something. Yep. So I don't need to be down there and mark my time for an hour and be like, I did it for an hour. It's like I'm gonna go down there and I'm gonna do it because it feels good. And then when it stops feeling good, I'm gonna stop because I don't need to push myself yet in this moment.

SPEAKER_00 42:54

And and you zoom you in a race with.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Totally. No one and I'm gonna do it again tomorrow because I didn't kill myself the day before to try to prove something. I just showed up and and I think effort for me is just showing up.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

I think that that is 80% of anything that we do in life is just showing up for whatever it is that we need to accomplish and being willing to do the work. That's that's another thing, you know. I witness a lot of people just feeling like the effort that's required for day-to-day living is too much. It's overwhelming. I've been there, and perception is reality. So if you keep telling yourself that over and over again, that good enough is good enough, then that's what you're gonna, that's what you're gonna believe. That's what your mind is gonna tell yourself, that's what your body is going to respond to. It doesn't have to be that way. I don't think it does. And I feel very fortunate to be in a situation as I approach, once again, 50, to have had the experiences that I've had good, bad, pretty, ugly. And to know that all of that has bred a sense of awareness, mindfulness, self awareness. It's expanded my scope of critical thought and cognitive capacity. Mm-hmm. And you you don't have to have all the answers right away. You don't have to have all the results of your efforts come right away. You know, patience, delayed gratification. That's kind of being an adult. That is maturity. And like you said, one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. All the little efforts each day eventually accumulate into something much bigger. And then that's when you reach the point where your life in terms of the effort you put into it become effortless. Yeah. Because it takes a lot more to be a miserable person, I think, than it does to be a happy person. But that is the that's the majority of the examples we're given. Look at any reality TV. The platform for that is conflict. Right. And it takes a lot to be constantly surrounded by drama, to always have your guard up, to be looking for a bone to pick with other people. And then to have the excuses and the audacity to self-validate and justify the bad behavior just so you can cover your ass because that's the example that you've been given in pop culture.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

Because you brought the receipts. That's why I watch those videos in the morning, honey. Yeah. That's honest. That's really why I do it. It's not, it's not to counter that. I I get the appeal of those shows. Don't get me wrong, I get it. But I need that moment in my life to remind myself that things are great. They're hard. I'm tired. Sometimes I feel burnt out, but things are great. And I have a lot to be grateful for.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

Right? Hard is good. Being challenged is good. How do we grow if we're not challenged? If everything was easy, there'd be no room for growth. There would be no reward for the work that we put into it. And I think that's another thing, too. It's like I look at the opportunity for everything now because the reward that I get, the payback that I get for putting that kind of energy out there is 100% positive reinforcement. And I choose that for myself. I am my own parent in that regard. I am the, again, I'm the one person that is in charge of my own well-being and happiness. And I gladly accept that challenge because the reward of knowing that I'm doing that every day, that's what allows me to lay my head on my pillow every night with a clean conscience. And I don't need someone else to tell me what's right or wrong. I don't need religion or a politician or laws to tell me what's good and bad, what's right and wrong. Because I'm learning that through experience and observing and growing empathy and knowing if I don't like the way something makes me feel, then I don't want someone else to feel that way. It's just to me, that's human nature. It has nothing to do with somebody smarter or more important or more powerful than me dictating that to me. Because oftentimes those are coming from corrupted sources. So, you know, be brave, be strong, learn for yourself, do for yourself, be the example that you want to see in others, and you know, be the bigger person. It's okay. It's okay to walk around with your tail between your legs for a couple days. It's okay to have humbling experiences. It's uh it's okay to have those uncomfortable moments and to sit with your own sick, as it were, because the reward of how you're able to grow and be less affected by the negative impact of those influences is I think it's priceless.

SPEAKER_01 48:08

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

So I think effort is a good thing. It doesn't take much, but you've got to start somewhere. And so just do it. And it's okay if you mess up, it's okay if you trip, it's okay if you fall down. We're all humans, that's part of the experience. Failure is a part of the scientific process. Why can we not accept it as part of the human experience?

SPEAKER_01 48:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:32

And that's what I have to say about effort.

SPEAKER_01 48:35

Well, I hope that uh our listeners have enjoyed the energy that we've put out. Me too.

SPEAKER_00 48:41

Me too. Thank you guys so much for listening. And uh, as always, we will see you next Tuesday. Bye. Bye.